BELO THE BELT

THIS MAY BE THE CAMPAIGN SEASON but nobody can stop me from writing about every Filipino’s favorite pastime: Kris Aquino.

An overly-distressed Kris Aquino was rushed to the hospital after having a series of “false labor.” The stress was caused by rumors of her husband James Yap’s infidelity and her recent spat with gossip columnist Cristy Fermin. Whenever Kris is near Yap or Fermin, the baby just starts kicking.

A former female employee at the Belo Medical Clinic has surfaced and revealed sordid details of her 10-month illicit sexual affair with Kris Aquino’s husband, cager James Yap. The affair reportedly started in March 2006 when Yap visited the clinic. He asked for a facial; she gave him a head.

“Hope,” a former employee of Dr. Vicky Belo, confirmed that she had an affair with James Yap. Whenever her boss is out of the clinic, “lumuluhod siya nang walang Belo.”

In her phonebook, according to Hope, she uses the code name “Big Bird” for James Yap. When she’s naked, he becomes Sesame Straight!

Asked how she and James managed to have sex inside a small cubicle at the Belo Medical Clinic, Hope replied, “Dog style.” When the sexual act is over, Big Bird becomes Snoopy.

James Yap’s camp has reportedly appealed to GMA 7’s showbiz-oriented show Startalk not to air its exclusive interview with “Hope” tomorrow, Saturday. If the show decides to cancel the interview, Hope considers asking the network to air her story on “Wish Ko Lang.”

Top 5 Tell-Tale Signs that James Yap Is Indeed Cheating on Kris Aquino

5: From Marlboro, he suddenly switched to Hope.

4: Going out alone becomes too often. And whenever a very pregnant Kris asks him where he is going, he would always reply, “May practice.”

3: Kris would always receive a call from a Belo Medical Clinic staff saying, “Ma’am, naiwan na naman po ni Sir James ang brief niya dito. Pa-pick up na lang po.”

2: Whenever he makes love with Kris, James doesn’t moan. He chirps.

1: Whenever he sees a dog, he tells Kris: “Baby, pa-facial muna ako. Bye!”

from PEx